tembo studio

father's day

2011-06-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

to all the dads out there, happy father's day. it takes a special person to be a daddy....and i think my boys scored on getting a good daddy. (i also scored on getting a good daddy). so caleb and i put our heads together and made something pretty cool for both of them. i often roll out a a long piece of craft paper and let caleb scribble or paint on it. we've ended up with these accumulated drawings from over the last 10 months or so. my way of keeping them is to cut them down and scan them in so that when he grows up, he can see his little boy artwork. i took several of his scanned scribblings, layered them in different transparencies in photoshop, and created a little abstract painting. i then printed them and mounted them on wood blocks for josh. so now josh has 3 small, original abstract paintings by our very own artist in residence. these were his father's day gifts:

{they look really handsome on wood!}

and to continue on with my recent obsession with using caleb's energetic scribblings as backgrounds, i made a digital collage for my own dad as well. this is the front facade of the home we are building, about which my dad has been very excited and supportive.

thanks for being such great daddies!

the moon followed her

2011-06-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

in all of these collages, i'd like to add more hand done elements, but am enjoying creating a kind of base or foundation with photoshop. i have lots of ideas for getting these off my computer an onto a final format, but i am also wondering what i'll do with them once they get off the computer. give them away? man i'd love to be selling artwork again...it's kind of the tree falling in the forest question. if i don't get it out of my hands, does the artwork exist? does my artwork need to matter to someone else to be important?

caleb's bird

2011-06-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

i am loving having fun with some of caleb's scribbles. he loves pencil and pen the most, while he prefers eating paintbrushes and paint. some days we roll out a big piece of craft paper, scatter some art supplies on the floor, and he scribbles until his canvas veers onto the wall, baby brother, or the floor. i cannot imitate the kind of urgent, energetic mark of a small child, and yet i love it. with my hand it looks too contrived, so instead i use the real deal. i used to have my nieces mark up up a piece of paper to prep for a collage or painting, and love seeing their marks come through. i don't think this collage is entirely finished as i want to add my hand to it, but for now it exists in photoshop!

{collaboration #1: by mommy & caleb}

it's that time of year...

2011-06-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

after having taught or worked in schools for a decade, there are two times of year that get me a little nostalgic. early august when school buses roll out of hibernation, new shoes are broken in, and stores are littered with notebooks, three ring binders, back packs, and lunch kits. and then early june when places like Jones Hall, UH pavilion, and even Reliant host back to back to back graduations. i think about all the kids i know or have known who may be the first in their families to be handed a diploma or the first to head off to college. or they may be the 8th generation to do so, but nevertheless it's a time of excitement and relief. sadness and newness. anxiety and nostalgia. it's when i feel so happy to know the teenagers in my life who are glorious blends of confidence and self consciousness. it's when i miss teaching the most and the opportunity to shed a few tears over the kids who left a little handprint on my heart.

today i got to honor a beautiful young woman i've known since she was 7. i left her life for a few years when i moved to boston, but sandwiched around those years are memories of eating ice cream on hot days at the chocolate bar, when she first got into soccer, picking her up from school with her beautiful and talented mom....then moving back to houston and gradually back into her life and feeling stunned by the gorgeous and gracious young woman she's become. congratulations my young friend! you are loved, and though it may not be the coolest gift in the world to an 18 year old, let this be a little talisman that marks the beginning of a journey.

{the little girl in the collage is actually my aunt judy as she embarks on one of her first journeys}

hiatus from everything except babies

2011-05-31T13:50:00.000-07:00

hi. my name is holly, & i fell into a baby filled hole for about 6 months.
between bringing cole home and then learning i am pregnant {what?!? yes. pregnant.} with apparently boy #3 {my lucky number....think i'll stop here}, i haven't created much. well outside of designing/creating a vision for our new-under-construction home with some fabulous architects i haven't. oh, yes, and of course creating baby #3. but i won't write about that.

but all of the sudden i am on a collage rampage and it feels good. i am talking like a week long maybe shorter rampage. there's a lot to show, so i'll spread it out over many posts so as to make sure the next 6 months don't fall back into a blogless hole.

starting with this one i made for perhaps one of the most gifted women i know. she is moving to london with her family, so her naturopathic business is in the hands of some of the other most gifted women i know. {seriously - if something ails you, give heights of health a shout. i think they are responsible for getting me pregnant twice over.}

tracy, if you happen to read this trying-to-climb-out-of-a-baby-filled-hole blogpost, i will miss you. but i am sending you lots and lots of love and energy and adventure wishes. xoxo

why adoption matters...(to me)

2010-12-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

it's been sooooooo long since i posted a blog that it seems almost pointless to pick it back up. and given that i don't even know who or if anyone reads this blog, it seems funny to put something like this out there.

josh, caleb, and i just brought home our second son/brother: cole linden. there was no labor involved, we just had to wait a month and a half from the day he was born to actually hold him and count those fingers and toes. they're all there too! cole's place in our family is unique and extremely special because he is adopted. caleb is no less special - in fact i am seeing something come out in him lately that is so utterly wonderful and not OF me, his own sweet, playful, curious, and humorous spirit...but cole, well, he is the fulfillment of a dream for me. since i was very young i decided i wanted to adopt. i don't exactly know when, but i do know i was wayyy too young to be a mom, but somehow i knew i wanted to adopt. i used to say i wanted one from every major nationality - asian, latino, african, european... i used to say i wanted my own model UN. so it came as a surprise to me when we were floored - i mean really put in our place - by the domestic program at gladney. when we first went up there and heard the panel of very young birth moms talk about their adoption plans, i was convicted. they were so brave. so courageous to do this life altering thing and then try to go back to their normal (mostly) teenage lives. we were hooked.

and almost 2 years later (or really, 20 some odd year later), cole has come into our lives...right where he was meant to be. again...floored. cole was born for me...for US. and i am so sure of that as i watch him balled up on his daddy's broad chest, more peaceful than i can ever remember being. i am sure because when i took him in my arms for the first time, he nestled right in and quieted. he looked at us with his little old man eyes turned up and sighed. finally...he seemed to say...it's you guys.

there are many who have not totally understood our decision to adopt. quite a few people have said (with that side long look you get when someone else thinks they already have the answer...you know, we've all done it), "you want to adopt even though you can have your OWN children?" and sometimes i have gotten this response like, "wow, you're so noble." i tell you, it's not about that. not at all. i am not noble. it's just about this thing beating inside of me, a pulse i have always had to feel enormous love for children. and that too is not really because of something in me...it's because of something in THEM. the children i mean. they are so lovable. and they DESERVE to be loved. and that's why adoption matters to me. because this little guy, our little guy deserves to be loved and we can give it to him. at least we can give our very best version of human love to him, i am sure of that.

i must add how very awed i feel by our birth mom too. because really, her love for cole surpasses all. she had enough to say i know what you need and i know it's out there and i'm gonna do my best to find it for you. i think she gave colie olie enough love from the moment of his birth to get him safely and wholly to us 6 weeks later. {thank you}

as we get to know cole a little bit better each day, i am growing another heart. one for each of my boys!

coolidge says BOO

2010-10-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

someone asked me recently if i was coolidge. i love the idea of me (a stay at home mom and artist) sneaking out late at night with my paint cans and a baby strapped onto my back. what a picture! although graffiti is certainly controversial, i stand by my love of coolidge's stencils. the printmaker in me loves the multi layered silkscreen look. plus i appreciate the occasional revolving images and like having something besides drab concrete to look at. great cities of old had seamless relationships between art and life...something i wish houston had more of! another conversation for another time, but in the meantime, a HAPPY HALLOWEEN from me, a newly painted TURQUOISE (or maybe more tealish) fitzgerald's, and coolidge! lovely.

{maybe he'll paint me an elephant along the fence in my back yard}

i think he likes it!

2010-10-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

recently i did a painting for my sister - a commission at that! it was fun to paint for someone so close to me and really try to channel her colors, her likes, her personality into the painting. if you haven't visited her blog, you ought to. her sense of design is flawless - almost perfect - very french and classic. mine, on the other hand, is colorful, eclectic, and definitely imperfect!

as i did the last little bits of the painting, caleb climbed up on it and explored some of the details.

{a few closeups of details. linsey liked the little inset landscape as much or more than the big piece!}

wel-o-come!

2010-09-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

wel-o-come! wel-o-come! we are happy to see you today!

this sweet chant greeted me when i visited orphans in the villages of malawi and today i sing it to welcome helen autrey campbell! my old friend maggie - she's not old, just our friendship is - though two weeks overdue finally got to meet her little girl. and i had the privilege of making her a piece of art.

{commissioned artwork for maggie campbell}

helen autrey

9.25.10

ONE...

2010-09-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

is the name of a U2 song and the name of said lead singer's non-profit to eradicate global AIDS and poverty.
ONE singular sensation, every little step he takes.... you are singing by now i bet!
ONE two three four, tell me that you love me more.... another song i love by feist.
and finally, ONE is caleb's age.
sigh. every mama must say this: the time has flown. i blinked and now my little bug is trying to walk, saying mama, meowing, and weaned. he's even getting a sense of humor.
he is such a happy boy, so curious, so independent, so...just SO!

i love birthdays and i think everyone should be made to feel special on their very own day. ironically, i am also terrible at remembering birthdays outside of my very near circle. but when i do i love celebrating people. so i decided to create a few traditions....

a birthday banner. handmade with paper flags and hand-drawn letters from contrasting paper. as more kids come along, i'll make new names and use it til it shreds.

a birthday collage. since i can't seem to keep up with the baby book, a yearly collage with memorable moments written on the back. at 18, he'll get a keepsake box with little pieces of art.

one of my closest friends brought over a balloon. he was fascinated!

but alas, so was the kitty, malcolm, and it mysteriously popped within 12 minutes.

my little guy.

i'm melting!

and the best part...soon one will become TWO!

coolidge, who ARE you?

2010-09-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

i think i'm in love.
at least i'm in a mad dash to traipse around my little part of the city to find all of these lovely stenciled graffiti "paintings." it feels like love. or at least a crush. i smile involuntarily and my heart quickens when i see one of these marvelous images. twice in as many days i have slapped the dashboard and said...well screamed..."josh! stop! STOP!" and hopped out of the car to take a picture. in the pouring rain even.

yes, coolidge, that's how much i love you. or at least your street art. don't worry. i'm married. i won't stalk you. but i will keep pulling over like a crazy person and taking pictures of these mysterious animals!

this sea turtle swam toward me lazily right after i got home from puerto rico and had actually SEEN a sea turtle while snorkeling. well, the flipper of one anyway. the point is, he came for me.

someone (most likely a prius driving employee from the city of houston) hastily painted over the turtle (but failed to pick up the trash...hmmm). but alas, a month or so later, COOLIDGE strikes again. this time with another elephant. didn't go out of my way to find this one. it found me. i'm telling you, it's a sign. i am supposed to get a baby elephant.

any guesses where these two popped up?

los elefantes

2010-09-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

tembo = elephant in swahili. elfante = elephant in spanish. perhaps the more obvious translation...
i totally TOTALLY love elephants. as in i can stare misty eyed at them at the zoo for hours. until caleb falls asleep and josh urges me on to the black panther. as in they're the only reason i can think of at this stage in life to go to the circus and sit through sticky fingered cotton candy high kids and yapping circus dogs in tutus. as in i shiver just thinking about getting to touch one. and finally, as in my greatest ambition as a child was to be an elephant when i grew up. yep. right up til i was about 8 years old and figured out it might not be biologically possible. so today we took caleb to the houston zoo to visit baylor, the 300 pound 4 month old baby elephant that i would give anything to have in my back yard and walk around the neighborhood on a leash.

did you know elephants nurse for 2-4 years and live for 50-54?

baylor roughhousing with his big brother.

there is a graffiti artist in town i want to meet. more on him?her? later...but was little baylor following me home? found him right by the target by my house.

tell me these great land beasts don't warm your heart!!

blog feature!

2010-08-15T13:07:00.000-07:00

recently my sister's friend - also named holly (mathis) - who is an interior decorator came across my alphabet prints and collages. i felt flattered that she loved them and wanted to use them in a blog post for the nester. she writes about creating a fresh look for a nursery. check out the nester site as well as holly's - she got a very keen and creative eye!

and here are a few alphabet prints to get you going! i so love making these. i have about a dozen new ones i'm working on as well as a list of several more groupings i'd like to do. what alphabet prints would you like to see?

la isla del encanto

2010-07-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

we just got back from visiting puerto rico with our dear friends. it is most definitely a testament to good friendship when you can spend 9 days together with a 9 month old to boot cramped in at least 1 crappy car and come out on the other side pretty much unscathed...minus a few backseat driving episodes between spousal units. katy and i discovered that most melt downs can be cured by funneling organic O's into mouths. but truly, when we arrived back in houston, texas i was inclined to say, "hey, why don't we go grab some dinner!"
we snorkeled and hiked, stayed on the mainland and a small island, ate plátanos in every possible form - including fried and stuffed with meat (!), and we swam with phosphoresence so that we looked like glow sticks gliding through dark water. but as usual, my photos indicate none of the places or touristy things we did, only the colors and textures that caught my eye. there is no "and here we are at fort san felipe del morro." i wasn't kidding when i said i take pictures of sidewalks.

i just loved that these were sloppily numbered (and backwards at that!)

old san juan is full of fabulous colors juxtaposed against bricked streets. nothing is particularly new or fancy but it's a feast for the eyes for one chica who LOVES color.

these looked like huge bullet holes through a steel door, but what a great texture that i could see using as a background for a collage.

and if i loved a boy named miguel, i would totally spray paint his name on this beautifully textured wall. it makes it feel like a an old love, a true love.

the last night we stayed at a place called the gallery inn. i don't even know how to give words to this quirky-medusa's garden-eccentric-eyes everywhere-fantastic place. we were greeted by these 4 heads peering down at us over the entry gate. i took at least 100 pictures in this place. here's one more - kind of melancholy...an empty baby carriage in a darkened corner.

so while i might not have thought to pick puerto rico as a vacation destination, we had a wonderful time, great food, great friends, and the best travel baby in the universe. our husbands did a great job planning this trip, and we are already looking forward to whale watching...maybe baja? we did learn a few valuable lessons: 1) stay in as few places as possible when traveling with baby and all his accoutrements. 2) don't rent a jeep cherokee sport with baby - even though i used to drive one. 3) web photos can be deceiving. 4) get a hammock in the shade with a view on our next beach vacation.

oh yum!

2010-07-01T19:04:00.000-07:00

i just finished a custom order of cupcakes for someone, and i love making them. this rainy week has brought my garden a lot of juice that will lead to good color, but i needed a little punch inside too. and the cupcakes gave me just what i needed! they make me so happy, sewing them. and even happier thinking about someone smiling as they open it and hold the little felty. or at least i hope they smile...

would you?

more custom cupcakes like this little plate full on my etsy shop!

mini flea!

2010-06-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

well all fleas are mini, but this one is something you've surely never seen! remember to come by my sister's house for her mini design flea where she and some of her design blog friends will sell their very chic homegoods. perhaps an even greater incentive to come is to support the forge. it's a foundation in 3rd ward that supports kids who need great role models, fun activities, and good love. my sister decided to give 50% of her earnings to help the founders with their own mini home makeover. they give so much of themselves and their home to others that linsey felt inspired to give something to them. there will also be an opportunity to put your pennies in a jar to send a kid in need to camp this summer. so come on out, rain or shine!

exchange

2010-06-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking about this for some time. this idea of intersecting lives and crossing boundaries. we all live in our own little part of the world to which we become accustomed (be it under a freeway, in a 2 room shotgun, or a 20 room mansion). and unless you stay inside all day, doing a whole lot of nothing and talking to no one, your life intersects with peoples' about whom you know nothing about...even if it's only through media like books, news, or internet.
i drove to 3rd ward the other day in my yuppy car to a meeting at project row houses - an organization you should know about if you don't already. i had caleb with me, who is the best meeting baby EVER, and i observed the people who were doing the work in my neighborhood as i drove out. although my neighborhood is somewhat diverse as neighborhoods go, it is largely middle class and white. most of the laborers, however, are working to lower class, black or hispanic. most of them probably live in places like 3rd ward. i thought about how everyday for 4 years i drove to south houston to teach kids whose parents were mostly painters, housekeepers, contractors, etc. in other words, they came to places like my neighborhood to work while i went to theirs. and no matter how uncomfortable i am with some of the implications of that, i know enough to recognize that we are teaching the kids in the hopes that they can one day move OUT of their neighborhood. or at least out of the cycle of poverty and lack of higher education.
driving that day it suddenly struck me as so...ironic (channel alanis) that we work in each others neighborhoods, but that we don't live in the neighborhoods in which we work. some of us because we can't afford to and some of us because we don't want to. it also struck me that people who work as housekeepers or child care takers probably know so much more about their employers' lives than the other way around. as in they fold their underwear. scrape their dirt. come to their intimate abodes and feed their children. i want to acknowledge that there are so many conversations about race, class, education...that could come from my observations. i have my own thoughts about each topic and more, and i am in no way intending to judge this observed "exchange," but it has most certainly wormed its way into my consciousness over the years. maybe the main point is to notice. notice others and how our lives intersect with so many who aren't like us and have different experiences just as relevant as ours. maybe if we notice more we will open the walls of our hearts more and begin to live with "loving kindness and compassion," in the words of my greatest spiritual teacher. in order to do that though, we must also begin to tackle the great inequities in our society and world - a topic so uncomfortable for those who have gotten so comfortable. so first just notice...then maybe the rest will unfold.

who needs fleas?!?!?

2010-06-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

what do this:

and this:

have in common?

click here for details!

take #2

2010-06-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

based on some great feedback and my own determination to give this piece a little more depth, i went back to cloud machine (which i really think i'll call made with love) and made some improvements. check out the original on my june 10th post and tell me which you like better! there is all willy nilly a line from perhaps my favorite ee cummings poem straggling down the collage. can you make it out? a little sorpresa for you if you can! just leave it in the comment box and i will draw a name.

btw - all of my digital collages are available for purchase on my etsy shop.

cloud machine

2010-06-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

the latest digital collage

there are so many things you can't do digitally that you can do by hand, and vice versa. i don't think you'll see it on this lower res image, but there is some nice subtle stuff going on the background with layers and scratching up the surface with a thin pencil shape. i think it needs more, but i don't know what....

any suggestions?

the sweetest thing

2010-06-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

i love birth stories...be they about adoption or biological births. i didn’t always love them, but ever since we started the adoption process, then got pregnant and especially since i had caleb, any story remotely related to giving birth makes me cry. big drippy continuous tears. i would probably even cry about a horse giving birth. definitely an elephant.

today i read the birth story of a 6th child on design mom’s blog - yet another site my sister turned me on to. my fabulous sister. from the first line tears came, and it reminded me of caleb’s birth. since that day i knew he had a mind of his own...suffice to say 9 hours at 9 1/2 centimeters, 3 1/2 hours of pushing, oh and throw some back labor in on top of that. he teased us for quite a while. but my favorite FAVORITE moment was of course holding his squirmy little body in my arms. i cried and croaked, “it’s you! you’re finally here!” caleb cried. even josh cried. at that moment, i grew my second heart. fast forward, and yes, i am already saying it - time goes by so quickly. 3 more blinks and he’ll be 18. i just want to drink it all in. every moment, every noise, every new expression.

i can’t believe that 8 1/2 months ago i was struggling to get him to nurse (jaundiced and really lethargic), and now he is grabbing the spoon from my hands and sticking it backwards into his mouth. as i am sitting here (yes, crying) saying to caleb, “i love you. i just love you!” i can’t believe he’s performed his first crawl, pull up, and clap all in one small weekend. he’s getting tooth #3 & 4 and he bops his head like the talking heads on that one music video i can’t remember just now. he ooches forward in his peggy leg style then sit backs and does a little bouncy bottom dance and claps.

he’s my treasure. my very special one. my extra limb. my second heart. and by far the greatest creation to ever come from these two hands. though he’s not really mine...he’s already his own little person who flings his arms around my ever-loving neck with such almost 9 month old intensity. i can’t wait to get more.

THIS is the sweetest thing and exactly where i want to be.

p.s. - to see other hand made goodies like caleb's VERY practical oilcloth bib, visit my etsy shop! i am uploading new items regularly.

ooh la la!

2010-05-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

another tembo open studio is coming your way! if you stumble into the woodlands, texas next wednesday, come by and support a handful of creative moms selling their wares, including me!
here is the evite link with directions and a list of vendors. AND here is the e-flyer done up by the lovely jennifer of silly nilly designs.

i met jennifer at my sister's open studio last week. she and her mom have silly nilly designs, a children's clothing line. when we got to talking it was just inevitable that we connect because she and i both take pictures of sidewalks. yes, SIDEWALKS! who does that?? we both agreed that when we take photos on vacation, they are more likely to be of textures and colors we like rather than site seeing photos. so yes, we could browse my photo library, and i would be able to tell you which grates are italian, and which are french. so glad we met because she is helping me fulfill the goal of connecting with other creative moms! please come if you can - there are sure to be a lot of lovely must haves!

cheery cheer!

2010-05-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

my sister (seems i start a whole bunch of sentences that way...who would i be without her??) had an open studio last week in her home and generously asked my mom and me to bring our creations over as well. it was fun to see all of our very different but equally creative work there together, and it was all in all a successful day. so funny because when we were growing up my sister always referred to me as "the creative one" and now she makes a living off of just that - being creative! though my creativity always remains a part of me, my "living" was made teaching and counseling. now i'd like to dive back into creating and seeing if anything lucrative comes of that. so in the next few posts, i will introduce ways i am trying to re-wet my feet in that department. if you read and have suggestions, please send them along!

a plate full of delectable cupcakes. what's your pleasure? chocolate or vanilla?

alphabet prints in a handmade felt pouch, which i am selling on my new etsy site!

beautiful, classic stationery made by the lovely linsey. and she says she's not the artist?!?!

and hand woven and sewn e-reader covers by lulu. the one with an image of to kill a mockingbird was my favorite. but that's two or three other posts - why i love that book so much.

i come from a family of inspiring women! how lucky am i....

paper dolls

2010-05-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

when we were little, my sister, cousin, and i learned to make paper dolls from my granny. my granny, janie lewis, was perhaps the most grace-full, lovely person i know. she was the first female chemistry major at UT. she loved to read. she collected clocks, all of which you could hear ticking when things went hush. she was an artist. in fact, i inherited her much used paintbrushes when she died my senior year in college.

there is 70 year old paint on those brushes! some of them have little hairs that fall out when i paint, but i keep them because they were hers. granny had a way of making anyone in her presence feel like the most important person in the world, even if we were all there at once. and yet it never felt like a competition to be her favorite. we all walked away feeling like the most loved. she'd say, "linsey! come here! you have the most beautiful legs!" (she still does). and "holly! that smile!" what i wouldn't give for my children to be able to be in her presence. i only hope i inherited a modicum of her temperament.

so when i made paper dolls to scan for an invite for my friend's baby shower, i naturally thought of granny. she lives on in our lives in small ways, and managed to leave a huge impact. even though it's been 12 plus years since she died, i think of her nearly every day. granny, if you watch us, just, well...thank you.

linsey turned these into little note cards which you can purchase by contacting her through her website.

open studio!

2010-05-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

my sister, linsey, is having an open studio spring sale at her home. she will feature her own work, and my mom and i will also bring some of our handmades over. my mom makes some fabulous necklaces, and i am working on digital collages, flashcards for kids, a few felties, and some useful bibs. please view the invite and come on over!

below are some of my favorite flashcards. and stroll through my blog to see some of the digital collages i will have! hope you can come....

quietude

2010-05-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

funny. i don't really have much to say...some of you might be thinking, "for once! thank GOD!" my creative brain seems sluggish, but i keep having small visions of things i want to create. maybe it's not my brain that is sluggish, but my hands. and babies tend to occupy the hands quite a bit...
until my next wave of creative genius (insert laugh), here is a busy photoshop collage. probably quite indicative of all the things dizzying around inside my crazy head, though my outward self feels hushed.

look!

2010-04-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

one more thing to add to my list of i'll nevers: i am actually enjoying making digital art, and i never thought i'd say that. while it lacks some of the depth and subtlety of a hand-done piece that is irreplaceable, it does have the ability to use text in a seamless way AND lovely graphic images that i can transform into a "photocopy"or "stamp." i also like the fact that i can age an image or turn it into something more pop-arty. i've taught myself a few techniques on photoshop by playing around, following other peoples' directions, and making lots of mistakes. there are so many tutorials online, but i found Elise Hennen's advice particularly helpful this time aorund. i still don't entirely understand masking, but as i stumble along, i may accidentally begin to understand...when all else fails, i can just call my sister, the photoshop princess of the universe. seriously, she wears a tiara in her studio.

so i started with these three separate images:

i can't get away from the fact that the pointing girl looks like the actress who plays Bella in Twilight. the bottom line is it feels so good to be playing with imagery, color, and collage regularly. i forget how happy and whole i feel when i indulge my creative self - digital or otherwise. plus i love learning, and given my state of mommy-mush-brain these days, it feels particularly good to do something new.

sometimes spontaneity is all you need.

2010-04-24T11:20:00.001-07:00

this morning my mom called, and in a voice laced with excitement and a little mischievousness asked, "can you take care of maizy tonight?" when she sounds thrilled about leaving her little furless wonder, you know something is really up. she loves that dog. maybe even more than she loves us! it is sometimes easier (and i speak from experience) to love a dog. i mean they are always happy to see you, they don't talk back, and they sit when you say sit...at least when peanut butter is involved. anyway, my mom apparently woke up this morning and decided she and my dad needed to get out of town. so they did, and i have her dog. for a moment i felt a pang of jealousy....i wanna just get up and get out of town! but 2 dogs, 2 1/2 cats, a baby, and a planner of a husband keep you pretty homebound on spontaneous saturdays.
but i just realized i had my own little burst of spontaneity this morning. we went to a 3 year old birthday party today, and i woke up with a penchant to make him a collage. not necessarily what a dash around ball of energy gets up and asks for on his birthday, but something i hope he will appreciate later. lying in bed a few images danced around my sleepy head. then i got out my scissors, photoshop, and my "collage items" picture file - all before a cup of coffee! and voila! my whirlwind spontaneous burst of creativity! so i didn't hop in my car, windows down on a breezy saturday, and head for the hill country, but my imagination took me away. and you know, sometimes i love what gets born in a matter of minutes as much as i love the piece that evolves over months. check it out...

happy b(earth)day!

2010-04-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

today is a great day for 4 (four!)...count them...1 - 2 - 3 - 4 reasons.

1. 4 = 2+2
i love little number sense things like that. like when i turned 27 on 03.03.03 and 3 cubed is 27.

2. it's one of my bestie's birthdays! happy b(earth)day janie-poo!

3. caleb is exactly 7 months today. his new trick is sitting tall and doing the cutest little shrug maneuver with his whole arms.

4. it's earth day! what are you doing to commemorate the earth? i am sending you a collage made in part on a fabulous website brought to me (now you!) by my very own sister. MOOMAH is a wonderful little cafe, art space, child and parent or caregiver hang out spot in new york city (of course). all i can say is wow. i want to open one in houston. do you think they'll let me pirate their idea???

go forth and PLAY!

you come back....

2010-04-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

i wonder if i am really ever going to be a good blogger. funny that i even wonder because it's not like anyone is grading me. but perhaps since i have spent roughly 30 of my 34 years in schools as a student first and a teacher later, i think along the lines of being held accountable somehow. it would be nice for me to do something without thinking about it attached to a letter or numerical outcome. does anyone really ever do something just because without thinking about what someone else will think? without wanting some kind of feedback on it? everyone who has a profession of some sort seems to be "graded" in some way by returns, marks, raises, or how others respond. maybe it is precisely school that orients us in such a way of thinking. so if i were to give myself a blogging grade based on how many times i have actually written something and how hard i have worked on getting more readers, i would have to say i am only getting like a c-. and i have never been a c student. in fact, i only made one (ONE!) in my entire life. so i wonder if i can do this just because it makes me happy without thinking i have to "get" somewhere with it.... so far, this blog is way too esoteric for the image i want to post. can you do a 180 real quick?
a few weeks ago while walking with my dogs and baby, i passed a little house in my neighborhood for like the hundred and eighth time. and on this 108th day i noticed the beautifully aged paint and wood. in terms of homes it probably would not be considered "beautiful," but with the eye of an artist who tends to be drawn toward urban decay, it was the picture of beauty. i made a point to walk back by with my camera (iPhone just didn't cut it) and snapped a few, complete with a pink plastic horse in front. as i took snapshots, a man came out in shorts only and barked, "why you take a picture?" he must have thought i was some city official or a complainy neighbor, complete with my dog and baby entourage...but when i answered i simply liked the colors, he smiled, patted his bare belly and replied, "oh! well...it needs to be painted. you come back when it's painted?" no thanks, i like it just the way it is! "you come back, you come back," he kept demanding. he only seemed satisfied when i said i was an artist, but even that explanation still got a kind of quizzical half smile. maybe i'll give him a digital copy of the collage i made with his crackly little house.

oh, and yes, the non-legible sign on the garage does say (in bright red letters) NO TRESPASSING. so maybe that's why the belly man came out. in my defense, however, i stood on the very edge of where the street meets his property... maybe my armed stretched out with the camera in hand did the trespassing.

nothing more

2010-04-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

when i spend time with women i really love - my sister, katy, jane, nektaria, elizabeth, angela, my mom, alison to name just a few - i am reminded of how lucky i am to have girlfriends in my life. especially the kind who aren't competitive or catty, who love you because they love you. the kind who when you are together, 1 hour easily becomes 4. the kind who could keep me laughing in a dark closet. the kind i trust with my life, and most importantly, my son's. these are all women for whom i could buy underwear. i know whether they wear thongs, briefs, or bikinis. i could probably even guess whether they prefer lace or cotton. but don't worry, ladies...you won't be getting a mysterious pair wrapped round your doorknob anytime soon.
i find it harder and harder to meet new friends as i get older. perhaps it is because we are beyond our school days, beyond college where our lives were literally stacked on top of each other...where we literally went to the bathroom together. but in this new stage of mommy-hood, i am so grateful for my newest friend, nektaria. she is witty, smart, compassionate, and generous. our 5 and 6 month olds are besties and they simply beg us to go walking together nearly everyday. through their bond, where they have deep discussions about poopy diapers, cloth or disposables, the milk flavor of the day, nektaria and i were brought together. my fears of growing lonely or restless during my year at home have completely quelled owing largely to the many laughs (and coffees while walking dogs and pushing strollers) we've shared over the last 4 months. the women i know are amazing people. they keep me real. and they are all things feminine: nurturing, compassionate, stylish, sexy, creative, and also leaders, brains, independents, and visionaries. for all of you, girls, i made this digital collage...because i could wish for nothing more than amazing people like you in my life.

a different kind of resurrection

2010-04-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

it's no coincidence that so many life giving, important events happen in spring time. two major religions celebrate arguably their most significant days: passover and easter. both offer capitulating moments of reflection and redemption. in the wild animals come out of hibernation, often with new cubs, pups, hatchlings, etc. the days get longer so we can enjoy the magnificent rays of the sun until the evening hours. families come outside with their kiddos, shaking off the winter frost and blinking back the bright sunlight. cocktails on the porch swing anyone? sign me up!

perhaps the reason all these things happen in spring is because the season itself is all about renewal. who doesn't love the chartreuse of new blooms? or the fact that a bud in the morning is a full fledged flower by noon? my garden took a serious hit this winter since houston had some epic below freezing days - very unusual for us.

i took this photo on a bleak day in february when i had to trim back all my dead, blow torched plants. i cried real tears. i worked really hard in my garden over the years to get it lush and green and colorful, and 5 straight days of sub freezing temperatures and a surprise snow took it, quite literally, to the ground.

i like to call this photo "armageddon." and yes, that is an entire small tree lying breathless on the ground. sigh.

BUT lovely weather and the renewal of spring has allowed me to get my hands dirty again. i replaced several very dead plants, this time (jaime, my friend, i hope you're proud) with natives or adapted plants and grasses. soon, very soon, butterflies and perhaps even hummingbirds won't be able to keep their little nectar suckers out of them! they will become very fat and happy...already i saw two swallowtail butterflies flirting with the columbines. the companion photos i like to call "resurrection."

watching nature unfold is perhaps the most real experience of god i have on a day to day basis. even the hibiscus i cut all the way to stumps is coming back with trembling little leaves.

r e j o i c e !

birds on a wire

2010-03-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

...or a stick...but who's getting technical?
i am enchanted by birds sitting upon wires. it amazes me that they teeter back and forth, beak nearly pointed to the ground, but never fall. during springtime, houston sees a major influx of birds migrating back north after the winter. i wish i could say i knew all the varieties, but we'll have to ask my friend jaime about that....he's a nature wiz!
as a small homage to my love of birds and springtime and all things handmade, i created these little guys on their own perch. i love the shadow they cast in the bright sunlight.

thanks to my sweet friend alison, who led me to the pattern for these lovely, sculptural birdies. you should see the mobile she made! my son loves to touch it.

my little artist

2010-03-24T19:24:00.000-07:00

i am in the midst of three different projects, and with only about 2-3 hours a day to work on them, plus do laundry, vacuum, and all the other chores to get done while baby sleeps, it may be a while....
BUT today caleb and i took a trip to the children's museum. while there is not much for a 6 month old to do there, i thought it s good experience for him to touch, see, and hear new sights. he enjoyed holding on to the cables holding up this funky climbing tower, loved sitting on a big boy bike and holding the handle bars, and of course seeing himself in the mirror. it's so cute how he looks away shyly when he catches his own eye! however, when we finally found the tiny tots section, he loved sitting in this squishy one person circle full of the kind of balls used in those germ infested net cages filled with balls, the likes of which you see at chuck e. cheese's. he held them with both hands, of course tasted them, and figured out he could put his finger inside the whiffle ball and pick it up. he was working up a right big puddle of drool with his intense concentration! it's pretty amazing watching a child discover something for the first time, usually things that have completely lost their magic for us. touching water in our fountain, for example. it never ceases to bring a dimpled smile.
amidst all the yelling kids beating each other over the head with back packs and school folders, we sat down in the painting room and caleb made his first piece of art!

okay so maybe i had to help him hold the brush...and i did dip it into the watered down, muddied colors...but he jabbed the paper. so we'll call it a collaborative. how beautiful is that? i love my baby!

outside

2010-03-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

for houston, texas, a city often enough known to have hot weather on christmas, it has been an unusually cold and long winter. it snowed (and stuck!) on december 8th and temperatures hovered around the teens and twenties for about a week. as a result my garden currently looks like armageddon, though i am seriously hoping for a miraculous resurrection.
alas, it is now march, and we are having a month of near perfect weather thus far. i love march for many reasons - my birthday, my niece's birthday, several dear friends' birthdays, daylight savings time, blooms, dresses, the list goes on. mostly i love the feeling of the sun warm on my face and neck and breeze lightly ruffling my hair. perfect in between hot and cold temperature where long sleeves is not uncomfortable and tank tops feel refreshing. i love my dogs yapping at everything that moves and bailey, the oldest one, basking in the sun til i literally have to drag him by the collar inside. when i do that, he rolls onto his back and goes limp. message to his person: i am just fine right here, and i plan on staying just fine right here. i love families out in public parks and the general sense of glee and togetherness warm weather seems to bring. i've long thought that maybe one reason people are outwardly very friendly in the south is because we have so many days of warmth that keep our heads up and out of the isolated dark space buried inside winter coats.
my husband has this week off, and we've taken our 6 month old to a new place every day. today is was the zoo. though he can't really name or engage with animals, he did enjoy pulling the goat's ears at the petting zoo. the goat was remarkably patient. but he slept through the most exciting part for me - when the elephants decided to go for a swim. 3 multi ton elephants in a pool about 15 yards in diameter...wow. you see, since i was small i have had a fascination with elephants. so much so that i used to say when i grew up i wanted to be one. my genetics make that impossible, so when i got out of college, the first rendition of my elephant metamorphosis was 2 one ton printing presses the size of small elephants named tembo studio. tembo = elephant in swahili. in one way i became the elephant i dreamt of as a child. it was hard today not to elbow my way in front of squealing kids and indifferent adults. it's probably a mortal sin to step on and over 5 year olds giddy with excitement over one of the zoo animals actually moving, so i willed myself to stay in the second row of people...but i did manage to worm my arm over the heads of little people to take some photos.

one of the elephants, shanti, is expecting any day now, and if you've never seen a baby elephant GO SOON. they bounce in the most delightfully skittish way. shanti is also having a baby shower to which you can donate by clicking here. it's difficult to find tutus in elephant sizes though...

i did a collage in my journal as a tribute to outside. though caleb, josh, and i all have runny noses and itchy throats due to the trees' bursting forth with chartreuse blooms (all eager to ask each other about their winters i am sure), i am 100% ready to embrace the spring and wear my long dormant sundresses. yikes. haven't worn them since before pregnancy. gotta put the flounce back in those guys. enjoy spring! and go outside as much as you can.

i heart teenagers

2010-03-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

most of the adults i know are clench-your-purse-close-to-your-chest or weary-at-best of the teenage population. well, i love teenagers. like really really love them. i taught and counseled middle and high school kids for the last 10 years, and they taught me a thing or two about how to be with them. i spent a bit of time with my nieces' best loved babysitter the other day. she is a senior about to go off to college, quite the artist, and such a genuine person. being around her made me long for all of those i have called "my kids" over the years. how i miss them! i remember once referring to them as such one time, and someone asked innocently, "oh! how many do you have?" imagine their polite surprise when i answered, "close to 700."
apart from my close relationships with many individual adolescents, one of the reasons i love them as a collective is because they are knotted with self consciousness, emotion, confidence, curiosity, aloofness all rolled into one being. in short, they are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to become. i wonder if it's so hard for some adults to relate to teenagers because they want so badly to forget the tumult of teenagedom or if they never quite figured out who they are. i see a lot of adults trying to assume power and control over teenagers...they yell, they say they know best, they say "trust me" even when teens look at them with a raised eyebrow, who-do-you-think-you-are expression. i remember in vivid detail much of my adolescence, so maybe those snapshots remind me how i hated being yelled at or made to feel stupid by adults. i am not trying to suggest that i am perfect with teenagers - far from it. i just think i am far enough removed from feeling self conscious that i can drop my guard and find joy in their experience. i think they can also find joy in experiencing an adult who is simply real and generally respectful toward them. i've been accused more than once of being quite the dork by many teens, but i think they meant it in the most lovable way! perhaps they secretly can't wait to embrace their own dorkiness one day when cool doesn't matter so much. i hope i am as close to my own kids as i have been with other peoples' children over the years.
the only thing i DON'T understand about adolescents (and even some adults) is the phenomenon of sagging pants. it is a fad i seriously wish would move on. when i see kids waddling across the street in a stiff legged way, clutching their pants about mid-thigh, i just want to scream. i realize, though, that forming a relationship must come before addressing the pants issue. trust me, my husband has held me back at movie theaters and shopping malls. but alas, i am not here to discuss fashion faux pas.
i leave you with two thoughts borrowed from margaret atwood and my image for the day, which, incidentally, has nothing to do with teenagers.
"We thought we were running away from the grownups, and now we are the grownups." (remember this next time you proclaim in exasperation, "kids these days!")
and
“Next it was time for the graduates to receive their diplomas. Up they trooped, solemn and radiant, in many sizes, all beautiful as only the young can be beautiful. Even the ugly ones were beautiful, even the surly ones, the fat ones, even the spotty ones. None of them understand this — how beautiful they are.”

a digital collage made with some painting and images from my new webster's pictorial dictionary.

cupcakes with love

2010-03-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

i think i've noticed a cupcake fad lately. or maybe my eyes are big as saucers when it comes to any bite or two or three sized goodie made with chocolate. my guilty pleasure lately seems to be just happening by crave cupcakes in uptown park. they claim to have no preservatives, high fructose corn syrup, etc. they are not exactly organic but not exactly unnatural either. i suppose it's a better fetish than cheetos, which i am still known to indulge in if they are given away for free post fun run or on an airplane. yep, hand over that yellow #9! to my body's relief, i do find barbara's organics even yummier than chester's. anyway, back to cupcakes...
i've been making quite a few of my own as well. aside from my first ever adventure with butter cream frosting for a friend's baby shower, i've made some 100% natural, zero fat, super fudgy mini cakes that last forever. before you read and re-read my words in utter disbelief and go asking for the recipe, check out the photo.

my sister sent me this lovely little still life after she received her fancy cupcake for her birthday. another dear friend got an endless dessert on wednesday for her special day as well. i've attached little tags with a simple birthday message to the tops. i can just imagine myself behind a counter selling these by the baker's dozen. maybe i should make a felt chef's hat too! i am trying to figure out how to actually make money selling handmade goods. i don't know the best venue - online or in a physical space - but i keep having fantasies of a little store that sells all handmades by fabulous women. please please send along your ideas...and a yes or no as to whether you'd crave my cupcakes!

the perils of too much, take two

2010-03-08T12:44:00.001-08:00

last week my sister posted a blog with the same title. her's was more or less about paying for doing too much, but the title alone made me smile because i have so often been accused of being "too much." when i was little i was too emotional or too sensitive. people with cameras told me on many occasions, "a little less smile...it's a bit too much." in middle school one of my best buddies told me he couldn't be my friend anymore because i was "too happy and my clothes were too colorful." when it was cool to be dour and depressive i guess i couldn't muster enough of it. although at some point having my friends systematically dump me for too much of one thing or another, caused some sadness!
i remember after watching one of my favorite movies, the power of one, i proclaimed i wanted to save the world and my parents just laughed and said, "holly you are (you guessed it) too much." i have a lot of passion, and sometimes when i get on my soapbox or express how i feel i become too difficult. for so long i felt i was simply too much for the world. how could i fit? how would i find my very special one?
i often heard that i was too intense for boyfriends, that i needed to lighten up and i guess giggle girlishly a little more. i kid you not one guy i dated broke up with me with these parting words: "your eyes...your smile...it's all just too much." awesome.
when i was pregnant i apparently touched my belly too much and i am sure there are several who think i love my baby a bit too much. i could go on and on...so imagine how happy i must feel upon marrying a laid back, everything's cool kinda guy and my too much is just enough for him. sigh. finally! josh can play superman to my too muchness anytime!

i wonder if gladys here was too much for her time? i mean she's there in her sensible shoes, can't be much past the 1920's, reading a paper. women weren't exactly encouraged to read papers and stay informed during that time. i wonder if she even had opinions of her own...how daring! such a benign act to us now, so here's hoping that someday my too much will be just right!

a whale of a day!

2010-03-03T15:18:00.000-08:00

okay, so maybe that's the most overused way to put "whale" into a sentence but it kind of fits here....
shouldn't we all have a whale of a day on our birthday? i love love love birthdays and think we all deserve that one day...or week...or month to be celebrated! i got to have lunch with my mom and sister at a place called haven. it's my sister's fave, and quickly becoming a family spot. it's green from head to toe and everything on the menu is from within a hundred miles of houston. go local food movement! such an important thing for local farmers and small businesses. plus you know what you are eating and it's more likely to be real food versus all the fake stuff allowed in our diets these days. i mean who goes up to the counter and asks for some red lake #9 and a side of fries? of course you don't, but trust me it's in there...but i digress.
if i could have one birthday wish just for me, it would be to go whale watching. my friend katy and i are currently dreaming about it, so to make my wish come true i am posting my recently finished "jonah the whale" softie. it was fun to photograph him and make a little collage for the background.

and here he is from the starboard side of our ship.

has anyone seen, by the way, the movie "the science of sleep" with my movie star crush gael garcia bernal? making my whale collage reminded me of the beautiful scenes created with moving toys, felt telephones, and cellophane pieces. i would love to help create a movie like that. sigh. maybe someday, jonah the whale.
for my birthday my sister linsey gave me some cute little hair clips she found by an artist named mai mckemy. the care she put into her packaging is so splendid i almost didn't want to unwrap it! inside the tiny envelope is a little note in little letters reading "thank you!"

so it was indeed a whale of a day! here's hoping katy and i get to go whale watching someday, and we really will be in our little red boat on the sea...

naptime collages

2010-02-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

when i lived in boston i used to raid all the great used book stores in davis square. i love books, but in this case i looked for books with old etchings or pen and ink illustrations or typeset to use in collages. oops...sorry to those of you who revere old books and may consider my "defacing" a kind of sacrilege! i just create my own little alters with them....a different kind of worship. anyhow, among the books i found is one called the heritage of cotton. it looks at the history of the cotton industry from the "primitive world" all the way to the southern states' creation of plantations. i never thought to read the book, but as i was cutting it up one day - happening to be in the south section - i skimmed it, and nowhere did it mention the social controversy of cotton plantations. in other words the advent of cotton plantations brought on the abysmal trade and trafficking of human beings as workers in them. i thought about the heritage of cotton in my own homeland and felt inspired to make a collage.

i think it seems kind of peppy on the surface - nice colors, no depiction of struggle - but then it has a kind of sinister undertone that sneaks up on you. well, i guess i am the artist, so that's what i see...i love that so often the meaning or story behind a piece becomes apparent after its completion. the process seems driven by its own accord. but i am wondering, what do you see? is there a story there? does it make you want to look again?
i am not usually political in my artwork as i enjoy creating personal little narratives, but this one tries to skip between the two. the man smoking a cigarette, by the way, lived in my heights bungalow in 1927 when it was first built. i found a scattering of pictures, check ledgers, and notes in the attic once while changing a lightbulb. for the sake of protecting his ghost, and therefore myself form any hauntings, i am not under the impression he was in the business of cotton, but rather a small food store of sorts. but he seemed the right actor for this part.
i'd love to hear what you think!

hoot!

2010-02-22T19:18:00.000-08:00

not too long ago, my husband and i were walking our mutts through our very regular (albeit wonderfully funky!) residential neighborhood. we don't live in the burbs, nor do we live among barns and woods. most nights we're lucky to see A star twinkling. that's houston for you. we are lucky enough to battle LA and mexico city for the most polluted cities in north america. three cheers for us. BUT on this seemingly regular night on our normal walking route, we looked left to see a small barn owl staring unblinkingly at us through the slash of light made by a street lamp. i thought for a moment it was one of those resin owls designed to keep pestering pigeons away, but it's head followed us...probably keeping a watchful eye on our frisky dogs. even though owls are pretty regular birds, it was one of those gifts from the universe to see one in our part of the world. kind of like i mentioned before, a little present that felt like it was especially for me.
i love owls. i love their silence and the whispering flutter their wings make when they spot food. i love the fact that their heads swivel 270 degrees, but not in a freaky exorcist kind of way. instead in a way that makes you feel like a weirdo for NOT being able to swivel your head! completely elegant, in fact, when owls do it. as of late i have been drawing a lot of owls and they have even worked their beautiful way into my wardrobe.

it started with a skirt. it came from anthropologie over a year ago. i love to wear it with my cowgirl boots!

then a batch of onesies i made to sell at my sister's open house featuring her beautiful stationery and my mom's fun necklaces.

then a little guy i made from felt (and on the back some beautiful african cloth with XOX stiched in).

just the other day i purchased this silkscreened t from the lovely and generously wise theresa o'connor at hello lucky!

and finally, i experimented with wool roving to make this handheld little guy for my 9 year old niece. he's my favorite! don't be fooled by his cute exterior...wool roving is done by incessantly jabbing very sharp, long needles into a bundle of fiber until you have the right shape. then you continue to jab details like the heart, eyes, and beak until the top fibers blend in with the body fibers. poor guy. i htink he understands a thing or two about beauty having a price!

things to come

2010-02-18T13:40:00.000-08:00

my dear friend turned me on to the strawberry swing video by coldplay. as a kid who did not grow up with cable, thus, sadly no addiction to MTV, music videos are still not part of my daily consciousness. yes i was a child of the 80's. yes i had short-lived experiments with blue eyeshadow and hairspray. but we missed thriller's debut, aha's take on me, madonna's material girl. my sister and i shared the one pair of parachute pants my mom agreed to buy, and we lip synced to madonna, michael jackson, and bruce springsteen. how we did all of these things without MTV but for the stolen glances at a neighbor's house, i do not know. the pop culture of the day managed to eek in through windowsills and into our realities even in our deprived state. thank god for you tube as we are currently playing catch up to all the videos we missed the first time around.
strawberry swing is one i am glad to have caught before i have to catch up on this decade's videos. it is both fanciful and sweet, smart and creative. it invokes the popularity of comic books and the recent trend of making movies from graphic novels. more than anything, however, it makes me think of my husband's story of his desire to be a superhero....so much so that his 7 year old boy self wore superman underoos beneath his clothing...just in case. it makes me smile to think of him as the superhero in striped socks and me as the princess trapped in the teacup. i'd like to think he would battle evil flying squirrels, hat wearing land fish, and toothy sea monsters to rescue me from a castle in the clouds. take a minute to let the video entrance you...

once i saw that video, i felt inspired to draw, which turned into a painting i did entitled things to come with lots of little boy toys and playful objects drawn into the background...thinking my own little guy may someday want to be the superhero his dad fancied himself. (don't tell him, but my husband really is a superhero of sorts to me!) my aunt actually owns this painting, and while i did not do it this week, i am still working on a series of similar but smaller pieces. this painting afforded me a little sigh of relief that i can still paint realistic objects when i want to!

what can i say?

2010-02-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

okay, this feels so completely out of character. i don't facebook (my friends update my "status" and add pictures more than i do); i don't twitter (or as my dad says, i have never twatted); i am not prompt with emails (unless i happen to be sitting at my computer at the very moment i receive your email); BUT (it was coming, right?) i journal. i suppose journals are and should be far more personal than blogs, however the similarities are they both seem to attract thoughts worth preserving. thoughts too big or wonderful or sad to keep to yourself.

let me rewind a little....the part of me who is - and quite likes - being counter culture has been known to say, "i will never kiss a boy" (i did); "i will never have sex" (i have a baby now); "i will NOT get a cell phone" (i have an iPhone - albeit a hand me down); "blog?!?! are you crazy?" (and look at me now). i just never thought i had anything worth saying among all the other soundbytes out there. it's all been said, right?

but this morning i woke up, sticky eyed and sleepy, with words i read last night still playing themselves forward and back through my head. and i wanted to share them. i don't, by the way, recommend staying up til 2 am when you have an infant who wakes up before dawn....but i did. i stayed up finishing belong to me by marisa de los santos. i had one of those experiences that is so hugely universal but feels, at that moment, made uniquely for you...or me in this case. i wanted other people to know, "look! this is how it feels! how i feel!" and it felt too big and important to keep to myself (and my very sleepy husband who grunted and fell back asleep when i read it to him). of course i am not the only mom in the world who has been touched by the miracle and wonder of her most perfect baby, but marisa de los santos seemed to be writing for me. when i read what i will share in a bit i wanted to shout, "yes! YES!! that's IT!!" from the proverbial rooftops and add a little jig of my own.

i picked up belong to me a few weeks ago not remembering i had read love walked in a year or so ago. as soon as i started, though, i remembered how much i truly loved love walked in and that i had in fact read it. you know how they (the ubiquitous they) say, "a picture's worth a thousand words?" well sometimes i think words create a thousand pictures. marisa de los santos writes in a way that creates vivid touchable REAL pictures for me. i am an artist, so it's not a stretch for me to think visually as i am armed with pictures long before the words come, so reading a book that is so satisfactorily visual and palpable is near holy to me. so much so that i take a day or two to mourn when the book is over. so since i am in mourning and not quite ready to let this book go, here are the words that prompted me to start a blog today, on a very regular saturday...

That evening, when we got back to the hospital, Teo ran into a radiologist he knew from New York, and I made my way to Miranda and Toby's room alone. As I walked in, I heard a shower running and saw Toby sitting on Miranda's otherwise empty bed, his back to me...."Toby! What is it? Something's happened to Jasper?"
But Jasper was there, in Toby's arms, hatless and perplexed and adorable, and Toby was wiping his own wet face with the corner of his blanket.
"Jasper's great," said Toby. "I just..." He broke off.
"Tobe?" I sat down next to him on the bed. "Honey? Is it Miranda?"
He shook his head. Without taking his eyes off his baby, he said in a hoarse voice, "It's just that this, right here: this room, this day, Jasper. This is my life."
"Oh, Toby. It's a lot to take in. It makes sense that you're feeling overwhelmed."
He smiled at me. "But that's the thing. I'm not"
"You're not?"
"I mean, yeah, it's big. It's colossal. But I get it. I belong right where I am. That's an amazing feeling....I'm Jasper's dad, and it's like that's who I was all this time, but I didn't know it because he wasn't born yet."
"And now he's here," I said, softly....
"And now you're here," said Toby. He was talking to his son.

perfect words. i am toby in this picture. if you ever stumble across this blog, marisa de los santos, thank you.